I work full-time night shift and have assigned chores for my family. My children pretend like they do their chores but really don't. My husband doesn't help at all and pretends like he does.
I will be spending my entire Saturday cleaning house while my family is at a gathering. I am finding the most awful filth. I went outside to water flowers and found a pair of my shoes that had been missing, they were buried in mud. I found an opened can of fruit cocktail on the kitchen counter behind some dirty glasses. I found hamburger grease in a bowl in the kitchen sink. I found dirty clothes and trash and toys under one of the bathroom sinks. You can't walk through my daughter's bedroom. She makes us late for events because she can't ever find her clothes or accessories. I found trash and aluminum cans and dirty dishes and newspapers and lots of house clutter stuffed in a storage cabinet. If I open any of my kitchen cupboards all the pans or plastic or metal items will fall out.
How can I get my children and my husband to listen to me and follow house rules?
Your husband is not one of the kids, and needs to step up, be the man and start enforcing the rules and helping you !!
Reply:Go on strike at home.
Husbands are children, I don't care what anyone says.
Do things only for yourself and maybe they'll get it. Besides your kids need to learn that they have to get things done for themselves because one day they will no longer live with you.
Reply:that is ez dont do a thing do you thing and wen thing a all miss up and and avery thing is dirty and thay start on you you show the were the house rules and tell them that wos there job and if thay wont it thay clean it or go get a room and if you old man wont you tell him were you at and you not comming home tell the pig pin is clean
Reply:How far are you prepared to go in order to give them a much needed lesson in life?
If you really want to change - there are ways, but may I ask?
Is there any chance that you kind of like being the family saint? Is the only time that you feel needed when someone comes to you asking where something is or what can they wear?
If you really do want to change things you can - but I wonder how it got this bad?
I think that I would ensure that they all had one change of clothing, food to last a while and all the other stuff that they will need to survive the next few traumatic days.
Ensure that there are laundry bins were they will put clothes to be washed. That they know how to wash a dish.
Tell them - in writing pinned to bedroom doors if necessary - that only dirty laundry placed in bins will be washed. Food will only be served if there are CLEAN dishes to serve it on. You are no longer going to be doing chores that have been assigned to others i.e., the empting of garbage.
BUT YOU HAVE TO STICK TO IT.
As soon as you start getting complaints - swiftly place over your ears walkman/ipod/hands - whatever - but do not respond until they understand that you have had ENOUGH!!
And as for your husband - THIS IS THE EASIEST ONE OF ALL! If he wants to act like one of the children then he gets treated like one of them and not like a GREAT BIG GROWN UP MAN ! He gets nothing that a husband would normally expect.
If you think that any of this is extreame then OK - its not me that has to live like it - but sure as hell I wouldn't put up with it - remember - people treat you the way you show them how!
Best of luck my dear!
Come on - you gave birth - YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!!
Reply:stop cleaning for a while. they can see how awful it is for you to have to live in mess. if they ask why, just say your too tired from work or give them some excuses they give you. Or just clean certain places you only use or places that really need to be clean (bathrooms). Wash only dishes YOU used. Wash only YOUR clothes. make YOUR side of the bed, etc. continue until they physically clean the whole house (not just until they say they will).
eventually someone will crack and want to clean (hopefully that person won't be you..)
Reply:pls them...be kind to them..
Reply:stop doing things for them. then they'll realize how much they need you and they'll listen
Reply:First of all, your Hubby is not one of your kids, so I wouldn't boss him around even though he may act like a child...it will not bring you in a closer husband wife team leadership if you treat him like a child.
Give you children chores yes, but not your husband, instead, tell you husband, these are the chores for your children, can you please see to it that they are done while i am gone?
Secondly ..do not nag, don't nag your children or hubby.
not good, nagging only turns too ppl getting deaf ears ....
instead, give them consequences...no dessert, no treats, no TV. whatever you think will work.
Do not yell, just talk with dignity and wisdom.
....
I know it sounds hard, but you'll do fine...just try it! :)
Reply:If the chores aren't done. start taking away things they like.(sounds like you have to do the hubby that way too). If that doesn't work, ground them. Keep doing that until things get better or you might have to go on strike until they see just how much you really do. Good luck and be strong.
Reply:Start giving them a taste of their own medicine. You work, yeah taking of the kids is hard work too but coming to a clean house is just needed. How else can someone relax. Leave teh house messy and invite some of your husbands friends and kids friends over to a barbeque or a movie so they can see how the live. Once they are embarrased then they'll do their job, or at least clean up after themselves.
Reply:So what do you do the other 16 hours of the day? If things are this bad then you are just as big of a pig as the rest of the family.
You should be putting your fair share in too, if you had been the house wouldn't be this bad. Does your husband work full time? If so you should be doing just as much as him. Do your children go to school? If so then they should be doing about half as much as you and your husband (they are children), if they are not in school then they are too young to be doing much other than helping fold laundry or unloading things from the dishwasher that go in low cabinets...little things. If they are too old to be in school they they should have jobs as well.
But who wants to work for you? You are their mother, their wife...not the manager of a business. Act like a mother and a wife.
dental
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Do you like my lyrics?
I wrote a song about things going on in my life right now.
UNTITLED (for now)
Throw in a bowl of confusion
And you've entered my life
Everytime I'm with you
I feel alive
I kick off my shoes when I enter the room
Pick up a book
Turn down the radio
(chorus)Now it's 4 am and I'm feeling drained
I've gotta clean up this mess I've made
How do I hurt you when you're not around
Nothing makes sense in this town
You were always a morning person
I'm the one who sleeps away the sun
Waiting for you to fall for me....again
But until then....
I'll be in my own world thinking of ways
To make this day go faster
CHORUS
You fill the pages in my mind
You make me wonder
I'ts time to unwind
Time to put away that anger
And crawl into my bedsheets
Because I want you to join me
In my imaginary world
CHORUS
What do you guys think? It's going to be a slower song...kind of coffeehouse accoustic sounding. So don't think it's going to be some upbeat pop song.
Do you like my lyrics?
ah i think they're wonderful and amazing.
i especially love the chorus!
i can see this song being on top 20 someday. ;]
ok but serisously its good.
=]
Reply:Thats very good. I like it =)
Reply:your lyric's rulez girl......it's like a story....like the chorus....keep it up.....
Reply:I actually quite like them :)
Reply:Wow, the lyrics are amazing! I wish I had talent like that, seriously.
computer virus
UNTITLED (for now)
Throw in a bowl of confusion
And you've entered my life
Everytime I'm with you
I feel alive
I kick off my shoes when I enter the room
Pick up a book
Turn down the radio
(chorus)Now it's 4 am and I'm feeling drained
I've gotta clean up this mess I've made
How do I hurt you when you're not around
Nothing makes sense in this town
You were always a morning person
I'm the one who sleeps away the sun
Waiting for you to fall for me....again
But until then....
I'll be in my own world thinking of ways
To make this day go faster
CHORUS
You fill the pages in my mind
You make me wonder
I'ts time to unwind
Time to put away that anger
And crawl into my bedsheets
Because I want you to join me
In my imaginary world
CHORUS
What do you guys think? It's going to be a slower song...kind of coffeehouse accoustic sounding. So don't think it's going to be some upbeat pop song.
Do you like my lyrics?
ah i think they're wonderful and amazing.
i especially love the chorus!
i can see this song being on top 20 someday. ;]
ok but serisously its good.
=]
Reply:Thats very good. I like it =)
Reply:your lyric's rulez girl......it's like a story....like the chorus....keep it up.....
Reply:I actually quite like them :)
Reply:Wow, the lyrics are amazing! I wish I had talent like that, seriously.
computer virus
My husband of 17 years has been acting strange lately...?
he has become obsessed with details, like who is/who is not filling the sugar bowl. closing closet doors. he says he just wants things to look neat. our home is by no means messy, but he can't stand the slightest, a few dishes in the sink, shoes by the couch, a coat over a chair, he hates my purse sitting on the dining room chair. we both have lap top computers, and cases. i had my case sitting under the piano for a few days. he asked me if i could put it away. his sits in the livingroom behind his easy chair (in view)most of these incidents are not normal for him, and feel like personal attacks. he checks the washer every 5 mins. i think to see if he can complain about too many suds, he complains constantly about using too much electric. he reads the electric meter everynight. and writes down the numbers and does the addition... i want to know who has an electric bill cheaper than $150.00 a month? if you do, please tell me your secret, because he is driving me to divorce!
My husband of 17 years has been acting strange lately...?
Dont throw in the towel yet. He may have a stressinduced case of ODC(obsessive compulsive disorder) He needs to seek professional and psycholigical help. He may not even be aware of how what he is doing is affecting you. Dont charge in and say "you need a shrink!" because he will feel attacked and think that you view him as crazy person. Instead you need to sit him down AT A NON STRESSFUL or confrontational way and tell him with love and honesty how his actions are making you feel. He needs to know and more importantly you NEED to tell him. The good news is that there IS hope for him. What he is going through will pass and you shoudl honor your vows and stay with him through the worse, because it will definatly get better. GOOD LUCK.
Reply:maybe he's on drugs... does he sleep at night? be observant
:-)
Reply:sound like your husband has meet another woman her house is kept clean and neat.he is comparing you to her what she does you dont , if this is something new hes started see where he hangs out the man is going to leave in the ends to many complaints are you are going to leave [ stress] but i bet it will be your fault let him tell it.
Reply:Have you ask him about this strange behavior?
He may have problems that you should know or this could be a sign of insecurities...say he is suffering some mid-life crisis or on his "andro-pause" (equivalent to woman's menopause). If he wont talk, ask his close friend to do it for you so you could understand and both of you can seek help, if this is driving you nuts.
Reply:start occupying him more with sex. I guarantee his focus will be less on the house and how neat and picked up it is!!!
Reply:Yes I agree - it sounds like he's becoming OCD! (Obsessive compulsive disorder). He's having some kind of anxiety issues at least. Take him to the doctor.
Reply:He needs alot of prayer!
Reply:sounds like a case of O.C.D- get him to see a doctor. this is classic symptoms, and could be a symptom of a bigger medical problem.
Reply:Wow, that's pretty weird. Let him know about his bizarre actions. My electric bill is waaaaaaay more than 150
He might be gay, if he's sooo perfeccionist
Reply:get him to the doctor right away.
Reply:Does sound like DEB in OHIO is right on target. If these things just started happening, think about what precede this odd behavior and call your doctor. Talk with your husband and find out waht he has been doing, to see if he may give you a little insight into what is going on. I would approach him in a non-confrontational manner and ask him what he thinks about this behvior, and what he thinks you all should do about it. Good luck. How old is he any way if you do not mind my asking?
Reply:he may be:
on crystal meth
or:
developing ocd
but it does NOT sound good..
if you can, get him to go to therapy..
if you go to church have him talk to pastor..
Goddess Bless You Sister, hard times seem to be coming...
Reply:I would definetely call a Dr., sounds like he may have some type of an imbalance going on.
Best wishes!
books
My husband of 17 years has been acting strange lately...?
Dont throw in the towel yet. He may have a stressinduced case of ODC(obsessive compulsive disorder) He needs to seek professional and psycholigical help. He may not even be aware of how what he is doing is affecting you. Dont charge in and say "you need a shrink!" because he will feel attacked and think that you view him as crazy person. Instead you need to sit him down AT A NON STRESSFUL or confrontational way and tell him with love and honesty how his actions are making you feel. He needs to know and more importantly you NEED to tell him. The good news is that there IS hope for him. What he is going through will pass and you shoudl honor your vows and stay with him through the worse, because it will definatly get better. GOOD LUCK.
Reply:maybe he's on drugs... does he sleep at night? be observant
:-)
Reply:sound like your husband has meet another woman her house is kept clean and neat.he is comparing you to her what she does you dont , if this is something new hes started see where he hangs out the man is going to leave in the ends to many complaints are you are going to leave [ stress] but i bet it will be your fault let him tell it.
Reply:Have you ask him about this strange behavior?
He may have problems that you should know or this could be a sign of insecurities...say he is suffering some mid-life crisis or on his "andro-pause" (equivalent to woman's menopause). If he wont talk, ask his close friend to do it for you so you could understand and both of you can seek help, if this is driving you nuts.
Reply:start occupying him more with sex. I guarantee his focus will be less on the house and how neat and picked up it is!!!
Reply:Yes I agree - it sounds like he's becoming OCD! (Obsessive compulsive disorder). He's having some kind of anxiety issues at least. Take him to the doctor.
Reply:He needs alot of prayer!
Reply:sounds like a case of O.C.D- get him to see a doctor. this is classic symptoms, and could be a symptom of a bigger medical problem.
Reply:Wow, that's pretty weird. Let him know about his bizarre actions. My electric bill is waaaaaaay more than 150
He might be gay, if he's sooo perfeccionist
Reply:get him to the doctor right away.
Reply:Does sound like DEB in OHIO is right on target. If these things just started happening, think about what precede this odd behavior and call your doctor. Talk with your husband and find out waht he has been doing, to see if he may give you a little insight into what is going on. I would approach him in a non-confrontational manner and ask him what he thinks about this behvior, and what he thinks you all should do about it. Good luck. How old is he any way if you do not mind my asking?
Reply:he may be:
on crystal meth
or:
developing ocd
but it does NOT sound good..
if you can, get him to go to therapy..
if you go to church have him talk to pastor..
Goddess Bless You Sister, hard times seem to be coming...
Reply:I would definetely call a Dr., sounds like he may have some type of an imbalance going on.
Best wishes!
books
Can you believe this....?
I do daycare for a living and I have had these 2 children for 3 days now and already had to let them go. Mom is where the problem is coming from I am sure but here is my issues with mom:
1. Always VERY late (one day 4 hours late with no call) she still expects me to feed her children lunch if she is over an hour late
2. She asked me not to change sons diaper much (I usually change every 1-2 hours) she said to change only when really full!
3. She doesnt send her kids with wipes and oneday without shoes.
AND... Her kids:
1. spits in my face
2. pee's on floors (intentually)
3. screams when told "no" and the other screams for time out like shes being killed..not exgaggerating
4. throws plate/bowl on floor when finished
5. bites/Hits
6. NOT DICIPLINED
and let me just say, I know kids do some of these stuff but I feel alot of it comes from family and no dicipline. They are 2 and 4 years old.
Can you believe this....?
Yes I absolutely can believe it! I am a teacher and I see it all day. I believe it comes from parents being too lazy to discipline their children. Children take WORK! Too many parents let their kids do whatever they want because it's easier on them. It's too much hard work to discipline and be consistent. Plus, parents are afraid their kids won't "like them" if they are tough on them. I'd rather my children be polite, kind, responsible, and productive citizens than be my "best friend".
I think you are absolutely justified in letting these kids go. Whatever she's paying you isn't worth the headache of those brats. Maybe when she can't get anyone to watch her children because they are so badly behaved she will wake up and discipline them.
By the way, the word "discipline" doesn't mean to punish. It is actually from a Greek work meaning "to train a child".
Credit Rating
1. Always VERY late (one day 4 hours late with no call) she still expects me to feed her children lunch if she is over an hour late
2. She asked me not to change sons diaper much (I usually change every 1-2 hours) she said to change only when really full!
3. She doesnt send her kids with wipes and oneday without shoes.
AND... Her kids:
1. spits in my face
2. pee's on floors (intentually)
3. screams when told "no" and the other screams for time out like shes being killed..not exgaggerating
4. throws plate/bowl on floor when finished
5. bites/Hits
6. NOT DICIPLINED
and let me just say, I know kids do some of these stuff but I feel alot of it comes from family and no dicipline. They are 2 and 4 years old.
Can you believe this....?
Yes I absolutely can believe it! I am a teacher and I see it all day. I believe it comes from parents being too lazy to discipline their children. Children take WORK! Too many parents let their kids do whatever they want because it's easier on them. It's too much hard work to discipline and be consistent. Plus, parents are afraid their kids won't "like them" if they are tough on them. I'd rather my children be polite, kind, responsible, and productive citizens than be my "best friend".
I think you are absolutely justified in letting these kids go. Whatever she's paying you isn't worth the headache of those brats. Maybe when she can't get anyone to watch her children because they are so badly behaved she will wake up and discipline them.
By the way, the word "discipline" doesn't mean to punish. It is actually from a Greek work meaning "to train a child".
Credit Rating
Why are illegals worried about what the US Government will do?
The US government can’t tie its own shoes let alone stop illegal immigration. The list of failed US government efforts is so long it makes the Arizona Cardinals look like Super Bowl contenders in comparison. Just look at the history.
The War on Terror…No Iraq…No South Korea…No Iran….No Venezuela? Get in line!
The hunt for Osama? Can’t catch one guy. This is embarrassing.
Katrina? FEMA shows its ***.
The war on Drugs? Really?
The first amnesty for illegals that was supposed to have ended the problem.
Gulf war I, mission accomplished almost?
Vietnam? Had these young men lived they would be running the country today.
The Great Society? One of the biggest jokes ever played on America.
The first energy crisis in the 1970’s. You know, the one that was supposed to lead us to freedom from foreign oil!
No child left behind? A few hundred billion dollars later we can’t even find the children.
Social Security? Oxymoron
Health Care? For those that can pay.
Why are illegals worried about what the US Government will do?
i agree stuff is falling apart but we must keep trying ,when you think of all that stuff ,its over whelming
keep writing congress.org .maybe they just might find they need us instead of them after all there are more of us (so far) for their next elections
Reply:thanks 1 voter lol Report It
Reply:I just gave you a thumbs up. Report It
Reply:Yes, it is unlikely the government will actually do anything about it. The government wants companies to have cheap labor to te detriment of the American citizens who are trying to get by. Too many American citizens are unable to find jobs to provide the basics for themselves and wages are being depressed by the mass amount of illegal immigrant labor.
treatment
The War on Terror…No Iraq…No South Korea…No Iran….No Venezuela? Get in line!
The hunt for Osama? Can’t catch one guy. This is embarrassing.
Katrina? FEMA shows its ***.
The war on Drugs? Really?
The first amnesty for illegals that was supposed to have ended the problem.
Gulf war I, mission accomplished almost?
Vietnam? Had these young men lived they would be running the country today.
The Great Society? One of the biggest jokes ever played on America.
The first energy crisis in the 1970’s. You know, the one that was supposed to lead us to freedom from foreign oil!
No child left behind? A few hundred billion dollars later we can’t even find the children.
Social Security? Oxymoron
Health Care? For those that can pay.
Why are illegals worried about what the US Government will do?
i agree stuff is falling apart but we must keep trying ,when you think of all that stuff ,its over whelming
keep writing congress.org .maybe they just might find they need us instead of them after all there are more of us (so far) for their next elections
Reply:thanks 1 voter lol Report It
Reply:I just gave you a thumbs up. Report It
Reply:Yes, it is unlikely the government will actually do anything about it. The government wants companies to have cheap labor to te detriment of the American citizens who are trying to get by. Too many American citizens are unable to find jobs to provide the basics for themselves and wages are being depressed by the mass amount of illegal immigrant labor.
treatment
Was he flirting with me?
I went to my Brothers house for super bowl party. and i was eating in the kitchen talking to my mom. and my sister in laws cousin darly walked past me and asked me if the food was good and i said yeah and he is in his early 40s hes a good looking guy. and he turned around and he asked what im wearing. and i looked down at my shirt and pants and shoes. and i said clothes. and he was like no he ment my perfume. and i told him shania by stetson. and he said its very light and he said it smells good. why did he specify instead of me making a fool of my self?
Was he flirting with me?
Of course he's flirting and falling for ya if a guy ask what perfume r u wearing it gives a little hint oh he likes my perfume if he ask!
Reply:yeah, he's flirting
Reply:cause you want him to bone you... and he wasn't flirting at all... just being nice to a younger lady
Reply:HELL YEAH
Puppy Teeth
Was he flirting with me?
Of course he's flirting and falling for ya if a guy ask what perfume r u wearing it gives a little hint oh he likes my perfume if he ask!
Reply:yeah, he's flirting
Reply:cause you want him to bone you... and he wasn't flirting at all... just being nice to a younger lady
Reply:HELL YEAH
Puppy Teeth
Tell me if this is funny, okay?
She Was Sooooo Blonde That...:
-She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
-She thought a quarterback was a refund.
-She tripped over the cordless phone.
-She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
-She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
-She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
-If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
-When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
-She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
-When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".
-She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
-Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to re-train.
-What do you call 9 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
-Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
-What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
-Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? "Toe goes in first".
-And the best one for last..........................
-What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? "OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds.
Barney the Dinosaur
Everyone knows Barney,... that cute purple dinosaur.
But here's something that you may not know:
1. Start with the given:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway)
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3. Extract all Roman Numerals:
CV V L DI V
4. Convert these into Arabic values:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5. Add these numbers up:
100
5
5
50
500
1
+ 5
----
666
SEE THIS PROVES THAT BARNEY IS THE ANTICHRIST!!! I AM TELLING YOU BARNEY IS EVIL SO STAY AWAY!
A PUZZLE FOR YOU:
Schwartzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The Pope has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace never used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's,
What is it?
The answer is:
"A Last Name."
Get your mind out of the gutter! LOL
Cards You'll Never See in Hallmark:
Looking back over the years that we've been together.....I can't help but wonder:.............what was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!.............too bad no one likes your wife.
How could two people as beautiful you............have such an ugly baby?
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.........after having met you, I've changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........I never believed in Hell until I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......that you're not here to ruin it for me.
Like the need for therapy....thanks for being a part of my life!!!..........I never knew what evil was before this!
Before you go.........I would like you to take this knife out of my back......you'll probably need it again.
Someday I hope to get married............but not to you.
You look great for your age.......Almost lifelike!
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.........now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.......so here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
We have been friends for a very long time...........what do you say we call it quits?
I'm so miserable without you..................it's almost like you're here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............did you ever find out who the father was?
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday......so we're having you put to sleep.
.
Tell me if this is funny, okay?
OMG . . I knew something was suspecious about a giant dinosaur that loves children. Wow. I must spread this message!
Hugs %26amp;%26amp; Kisses
♥ Abby ♥
Reply:very funny, now i need to take a nap!
Reply:This **** is stupid
How old are you like 12
find new material
Reply:Ah, no!
Reply:lol i liked it
Reply:Yeah, it will probably, definitely, absolutely, precisely, perfectly PASS!!! ♥
Reply:OMG! That's really long! But those are really funny. My favorite was: She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
Reply:what I did read I thought was ok but not the funniest
Reply:To Much For one post _._ %26lt;%26lt; Died Of Reading This Nothing Amusing Ha Ha %26lt; Just Lost it There
Reply:JAJAJAJAJA THE BLOND ONE WAS TRUE, WELL FOR AT LEAST MOST OF THEM. J/K
I BETTER TELL MY SIS TO STOP WATCHING BARNEY CUZ, YOU KNEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. UH OH.
NICE JOKES
Reply:most of it
Reply:funny is the word e mail this to me or put it on my 360 please
Reply:hahaha lol
Reply:funny, but the blonde ones have been circling round the site alot lately
Reply:Very funny
Reply:i like the blond one and the barney
got the riddle but the last ones were lame
Funny
Reply:ha ha ha it is funny 9/10
Reply:i read half or that that is not funny
really...........
Reply:yeah its cool 8 outta 10
Reply:Not funny unless your sick in the head!
Reply:dude that was the funniest!!!!! lol
Reply:Some of it was, Barney said his not happy about
your discovery, and that he'll see you soon!!! LOL
men skin care
-She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
-She thought a quarterback was a refund.
-She tripped over the cordless phone.
-She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
-She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
-She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
-If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
-When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
-She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
-When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".
-She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
-Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to re-train.
-What do you call 9 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
-Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
-What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
-Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? "Toe goes in first".
-And the best one for last..........................
-What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? "OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds.
Barney the Dinosaur
Everyone knows Barney,... that cute purple dinosaur.
But here's something that you may not know:
1. Start with the given:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway)
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3. Extract all Roman Numerals:
CV V L DI V
4. Convert these into Arabic values:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5. Add these numbers up:
100
5
5
50
500
1
+ 5
----
666
SEE THIS PROVES THAT BARNEY IS THE ANTICHRIST!!! I AM TELLING YOU BARNEY IS EVIL SO STAY AWAY!
A PUZZLE FOR YOU:
Schwartzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The Pope has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace never used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's,
What is it?
The answer is:
"A Last Name."
Get your mind out of the gutter! LOL
Cards You'll Never See in Hallmark:
Looking back over the years that we've been together.....I can't help but wonder:.............what was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!.............too bad no one likes your wife.
How could two people as beautiful you............have such an ugly baby?
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.........after having met you, I've changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........I never believed in Hell until I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......that you're not here to ruin it for me.
Like the need for therapy....thanks for being a part of my life!!!..........I never knew what evil was before this!
Before you go.........I would like you to take this knife out of my back......you'll probably need it again.
Someday I hope to get married............but not to you.
You look great for your age.......Almost lifelike!
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.........now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.......so here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
We have been friends for a very long time...........what do you say we call it quits?
I'm so miserable without you..................it's almost like you're here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............did you ever find out who the father was?
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday......so we're having you put to sleep.
.
Tell me if this is funny, okay?
OMG . . I knew something was suspecious about a giant dinosaur that loves children. Wow. I must spread this message!
Hugs %26amp;%26amp; Kisses
♥ Abby ♥
Reply:very funny, now i need to take a nap!
Reply:This **** is stupid
How old are you like 12
find new material
Reply:Ah, no!
Reply:lol i liked it
Reply:Yeah, it will probably, definitely, absolutely, precisely, perfectly PASS!!! ♥
Reply:OMG! That's really long! But those are really funny. My favorite was: She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
Reply:what I did read I thought was ok but not the funniest
Reply:To Much For one post _._ %26lt;%26lt; Died Of Reading This Nothing Amusing Ha Ha %26lt; Just Lost it There
Reply:JAJAJAJAJA THE BLOND ONE WAS TRUE, WELL FOR AT LEAST MOST OF THEM. J/K
I BETTER TELL MY SIS TO STOP WATCHING BARNEY CUZ, YOU KNEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. UH OH.
NICE JOKES
Reply:most of it
Reply:funny is the word e mail this to me or put it on my 360 please
Reply:hahaha lol
Reply:funny, but the blonde ones have been circling round the site alot lately
Reply:Very funny
Reply:i like the blond one and the barney
got the riddle but the last ones were lame
Funny
Reply:ha ha ha it is funny 9/10
Reply:i read half or that that is not funny
really...........
Reply:yeah its cool 8 outta 10
Reply:Not funny unless your sick in the head!
Reply:dude that was the funniest!!!!! lol
Reply:Some of it was, Barney said his not happy about
your discovery, and that he'll see you soon!!! LOL
men skin care
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