How can I get my children and my husband to listen to me and follow house rules?

I work full-time night shift and have assigned chores for my family. My children pretend like they do their chores but really don't. My husband doesn't help at all and pretends like he does.


I will be spending my entire Saturday cleaning house while my family is at a gathering. I am finding the most awful filth. I went outside to water flowers and found a pair of my shoes that had been missing, they were buried in mud. I found an opened can of fruit cocktail on the kitchen counter behind some dirty glasses. I found hamburger grease in a bowl in the kitchen sink. I found dirty clothes and trash and toys under one of the bathroom sinks. You can't walk through my daughter's bedroom. She makes us late for events because she can't ever find her clothes or accessories. I found trash and aluminum cans and dirty dishes and newspapers and lots of house clutter stuffed in a storage cabinet. If I open any of my kitchen cupboards all the pans or plastic or metal items will fall out.

How can I get my children and my husband to listen to me and follow house rules?
Your husband is not one of the kids, and needs to step up, be the man and start enforcing the rules and helping you !!
Reply:Go on strike at home.





Husbands are children, I don't care what anyone says.





Do things only for yourself and maybe they'll get it. Besides your kids need to learn that they have to get things done for themselves because one day they will no longer live with you.
Reply:that is ez dont do a thing do you thing and wen thing a all miss up and and avery thing is dirty and thay start on you you show the were the house rules and tell them that wos there job and if thay wont it thay clean it or go get a room and if you old man wont you tell him were you at and you not comming home tell the pig pin is clean
Reply:How far are you prepared to go in order to give them a much needed lesson in life?





If you really want to change - there are ways, but may I ask?





Is there any chance that you kind of like being the family saint? Is the only time that you feel needed when someone comes to you asking where something is or what can they wear?





If you really do want to change things you can - but I wonder how it got this bad?





I think that I would ensure that they all had one change of clothing, food to last a while and all the other stuff that they will need to survive the next few traumatic days.





Ensure that there are laundry bins were they will put clothes to be washed. That they know how to wash a dish.





Tell them - in writing pinned to bedroom doors if necessary - that only dirty laundry placed in bins will be washed. Food will only be served if there are CLEAN dishes to serve it on. You are no longer going to be doing chores that have been assigned to others i.e., the empting of garbage.





BUT YOU HAVE TO STICK TO IT.





As soon as you start getting complaints - swiftly place over your ears walkman/ipod/hands - whatever - but do not respond until they understand that you have had ENOUGH!!





And as for your husband - THIS IS THE EASIEST ONE OF ALL! If he wants to act like one of the children then he gets treated like one of them and not like a GREAT BIG GROWN UP MAN ! He gets nothing that a husband would normally expect.





If you think that any of this is extreame then OK - its not me that has to live like it - but sure as hell I wouldn't put up with it - remember - people treat you the way you show them how!





Best of luck my dear!


Come on - you gave birth - YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!!
Reply:stop cleaning for a while. they can see how awful it is for you to have to live in mess. if they ask why, just say your too tired from work or give them some excuses they give you. Or just clean certain places you only use or places that really need to be clean (bathrooms). Wash only dishes YOU used. Wash only YOUR clothes. make YOUR side of the bed, etc. continue until they physically clean the whole house (not just until they say they will).


eventually someone will crack and want to clean (hopefully that person won't be you..)
Reply:pls them...be kind to them..
Reply:stop doing things for them. then they'll realize how much they need you and they'll listen
Reply:First of all, your Hubby is not one of your kids, so I wouldn't boss him around even though he may act like a child...it will not bring you in a closer husband wife team leadership if you treat him like a child.


Give you children chores yes, but not your husband, instead, tell you husband, these are the chores for your children, can you please see to it that they are done while i am gone?


Secondly ..do not nag, don't nag your children or hubby.


not good, nagging only turns too ppl getting deaf ears ....


instead, give them consequences...no dessert, no treats, no TV. whatever you think will work.


Do not yell, just talk with dignity and wisdom.


....


I know it sounds hard, but you'll do fine...just try it! :)
Reply:If the chores aren't done. start taking away things they like.(sounds like you have to do the hubby that way too). If that doesn't work, ground them. Keep doing that until things get better or you might have to go on strike until they see just how much you really do. Good luck and be strong.
Reply:Start giving them a taste of their own medicine. You work, yeah taking of the kids is hard work too but coming to a clean house is just needed. How else can someone relax. Leave teh house messy and invite some of your husbands friends and kids friends over to a barbeque or a movie so they can see how the live. Once they are embarrased then they'll do their job, or at least clean up after themselves.
Reply:So what do you do the other 16 hours of the day? If things are this bad then you are just as big of a pig as the rest of the family.





You should be putting your fair share in too, if you had been the house wouldn't be this bad. Does your husband work full time? If so you should be doing just as much as him. Do your children go to school? If so then they should be doing about half as much as you and your husband (they are children), if they are not in school then they are too young to be doing much other than helping fold laundry or unloading things from the dishwasher that go in low cabinets...little things. If they are too old to be in school they they should have jobs as well.





But who wants to work for you? You are their mother, their wife...not the manager of a business. Act like a mother and a wife.



dental