What all women should know and men wonder about?

Take time to read this is so funny!!!!!!!!!








Hate to admit to this - but it is so true - men on the list be prepared to


find out what we have to put up with in life!! ha ha





When you need to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women


waiting, you smile politely and take your place in the line, it finally


gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors.





Every cubicle is occupied.





But eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman


leaving the cubicle.





You get in to find the door won¹t lock. It doesn¹t matter, the wait has


been so long and you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the


modern 'seat covers' is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the


door hook if there was one, but there isn¹t ­ so you carefully, but quickly


drape it around your neck, yank down your pants and assume 'the position'.





In this position your ageing, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You


would love to sit down, but you certainly hadn¹t taken time to wipe the


seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'the position'.





To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment you reach for the


toilet paper dispenser and your worst nightmare it¹s empty, the toilet roll


dispenser is empty.. You hover looking around in the hope there's a


new roll behind you ­ no such luck. Your thighs start to shake more.


Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday ­


the one that¹s still in your handbag, which is now burning your neck %26amp;


shoulders with the weight. So you contort your arm into a very unnatural


position and start to fumble around in the deep dark depths of your handbag


for that small crumpled used tissue no bigger than your thumbnail.





Someone pushes your door cubicle door and because the latch doesn't work


the door hits your head, which is bent forward from you holding your bag


around your neck while you are rummaging for that used tissue, the door


takes you by surprise and you start to lose your balance and topple


backwards. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach to push the door shut and


drop the precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just managed to


retrieve with your index finger into an 'unknown' puddle on the floor.





If that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether, or just give up


and... sit down ... directly onto the TOILET SEAT.





Yes - it's wet! You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.





Your thighs and bottom have made contact with every imaginable germ %26amp; life


form that lives on the uncovered seat.





By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused


that it flushes, propelling a stream of cold water like a fire hose into


the bowl which causes a spray of fine mist that completely covers your bum


and runs downs your legs along with all the various life forms and down


into your disheveled pants which have now dropped to your ankles with your


hems soaking up that puddle from the floor.





The flush seems to suck everything down with such force that you grab onto


the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.





At this point you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet


toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe your self with a piece of


gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to


the sinks.





You cannot figure out how to operate the tap, so run your hands underneath


it grateful for the two drops of water there and around the basin itself.





You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting, where


of course there are no paper towels so you move onto the hand blower, which


yes you've guessed it that doesn't work either!





You're no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there's an


unspoken understanding between you all.





A kind soul at the very end of the line of women points out that you have a


piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. Where was that when you


NEEDED IT??? You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's


hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this'.





As you exit you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left


the men's. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your


handbag hanging around your neck?'





This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public loos. It also


helps explain to the men why it really does take us women so long and it


also answers that commonly asked question ­ Why do women always go to the


loos in pairs?





It's so your friend can hold the door, hang onto your bag and pass you


tissue under the door!

What all women should know and men wonder about?
Excellent - and so bloody true!!





EDIT: NOEUSUPERSTATE: Get a humour implant! You can go to the loo any amount of times before leaving the house - but Murphy's Law dictates that you WILL need to go while you're out and you WILL end up in a bloody queue, etc. And isn't your wife the lucky one "just goes into POSH shops" AND carrys a loo roll with her too! Must have some size of handbag! What does she do if there are NO posh shops around - wet herself? I doubt THAT very much, mate - she'll be into the first cludgie she comes across, posh or not!





Come to think of it - if she only goes into posh shops for a pee - WHY does she have to carry her own loo roll?
Reply:wow! i never looked at it all together, but its sooooooo true. i just deal with one thing at a time, but it sure adds up!
Reply:And after all that we still walk out with our head held high!
Reply:Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:hahahhahah


thats really funnnnnnnnnnnny
Reply:ROFLMfAO. that was hysterical and all so true , i nearly pmsl :-)
Reply:ha ha ha funny
Reply:wow that's some question you got there...i never use public loo's sorry
Reply:So true!!! I hate going to the bathroom in public places!
Reply:Brilliant! I agreed wholeheartedly with every word.





You missed me off your list though. Try going into a public loo with an extra wide wheelchair! Nightmare - far worse than attempting to go in on your own! lol:-D
Reply:The whole world now makes sense.....
Reply:Wicked so true you deserve a star.
Reply:How true that is and yes I agree with Jose why the hell need a loo roll if you're only using Posh shops surely they must provide loo paper.Have a star.
Reply:Why are some women so dense in this area?


My wife always keeps a tiolet roll in her bag and only uses the loos in the posh shops.


Always goes twice before we leave for town etc.





Not funny just shows that you can't learn simple common sense from experience.
Reply:I can relate, almost all that stuff has happened to me, especially when I used to work in government offices. thanks so much I'll pass it round to the girls, they'll appreciate it. And after all that, we still walk around with some grace. Maybe we are much tougher than we think.
Reply:lol.so thats why my wife takes ages.only answered this so i could show her this tomorrow.
Reply:SO NICELY WRITTEN!!! IS THIS WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS SO OFTEN???





Aaaaahhhh... i feel sorry for all you women out there now.
Reply:Damn that deserves a star :) n good luck for the next public pee pmsl



BIRD