Has this ever happened to you?

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of


women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,


you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.


Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman


leaving the stall.


You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the


wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser


for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is


handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there


was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around


your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."


In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.


You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."


To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you


discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can


hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the


seat,


you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.


You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .


Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. %26gt;"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your


footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact


with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU


never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken


time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,


because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."


By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The


flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum


wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

Has this ever happened to you?
lmao, have we went to the bathroom togther before?
Reply:lol.. I'm surprised I read it all.
Reply:roflmfaoooooooooooooooooo. You are a fvcking genius. ♥
Reply:i pee outdoors
Reply:ROFLMFAO


All women can relate to this one.
Reply:holy sheep sh*t.ALWAYS KEEP TISSUES IN YOUR PURSE%26gt;did you learn anything?
Reply:nope. that's a really funny story if it doesn't happen to you though, so I hope it didn't happen to you, cuz that would really suck.
Reply:I've read that on my email already.
Reply:thank god im a man after reading all that
Reply:never happened to me....
Reply:Thanks for the giggle and reminder of the only reason a girl should have penis envy....I wish I could pee anywhere and have it propelled away from all of my body parts.
Reply:I just posted this up on my 360 blog about a week ago.
Reply:Well, no... Because I'm not scared of a few germs on my butt, so I wouldn't squat... I'd be seated w/ an arm out holding the door, and my purse would be on top of the TP container, or on the arm holding the door. Even if I was about to pee myself, I could hold it long enough to check for toilet paper.





And, I dont really think you should be trying to take credit for something that you didn't write. I got this in an email years ago.
Reply:no, but great story.


If that happened to me, I would have to go back home and take a shower. that would be so nasty!!!
Reply:ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!





That is soooooooo funny.... I don't think my experience was that dramatic... but it was close...LOL
Reply:And it only gets worse the older you get, dear.


I laughed so efin hard I had to go pee right in the middle of reading this. Funny, funny, funny.
Reply:That's disgusting and funny.
Reply:Your a funny one. I know what you saying on some of that.
Reply:wow
Reply:Thats.....one the nastiest things I have ever heard. I will start a patition, for janitors of public places MUST wash the toilet, and refil the paper after EVERY use!








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