My Daughter Lied.... What's Next?

My daughter is about to be 8 yrs. old and she has started lying to me %26amp; her father. She is normally the goodey-two shoes type of girl. She is very sweet, intelligent, and always wants to please people... I gave her every opportunity to come clean about her lies and she kept making things up to cover up the previous lie. I don't know what to do... Granted, her lies were not severe {Did you take a shower? Yes! -She still smelled like outside; Did you make your breakfast, yet? Yes, I ate cereal! -no cereal bowl is in the sink or on the table... Where's the bowl? I ate it from a cup w/o any milk!...The same %26amp; only dirty cup that I left in the sink from last night and still has water in it, that's what you used? Uh, Yes!}....You kinda get the idea, right? She lied about the shower, last night, and was put on punishment. She lied about breakfast this morning, increasing her punishment..


She's my oldest so I want some advice... Is this normal, at this age? I wasn't expecting lies til teens..

My Daughter Lied.... What's Next?
it is normal for her to "test" you at this age.





Keep up the punishment by being consistent and this little phase will end soon.





I would sit her down for a talk and the importance of the truth, and also about being honest in the family. You could also play the "setting a good example" for her siblings card.





If there have been any major changes in her life recently, then you may want to deal with those. However, if she is lying just to see what she can get away with, it will pass with constant discipline.





I would also consider whether or not she is getting enough attention from you. Often older siblings will lie to get attention, because even getting in trouble is better in their minds than not getting as much attention as their little siblings. I would suggest spending some qualitity time with her once her punishment is over.





Good luck! you sound like a great mom. The final thing that I think you may want to consider is that she is lying because she doesn't want to disapoint you. For example, you say: "You better have had your shower! You've been up there for an hour!" and she tries to lie to make you happy. (of course this never works, but kids always will try it) Sometimes older kids who, as you say, like to please people, get anxious about letting their parents down and say the weirdest things.
Reply:Oh boy, I think every parents has been through this! I think it's normal at this age, does that make it ok? Of course not. My son says "Oh, I'm just joking". We tell him it's not a joke and it's not funny. We talk to him about it but that doesn't help so we take things away from him. He's nine by the way.
Reply:When her friends start telling her she smells and when she is starving at school before lunch she will figure it out.
Reply:whats next??


just wait and see..........
Reply:This is worked with my kids (8, 6 %26amp;3)...





If you lie to me and I catch you , your world will come to an end. No tv, phone, music, art supplies, toys....nothing. You may read books. The length of punishment depends on the lie and circumstance.





If you tell me the truth, you may get in trouble, but it won't be nearly as severe as if you lie. You may lose a favorite toy for a day or a priviledge.





I always give them an opportunity to tell the truth by reminding them how miserable life can be if I find out they lied. It only took one day of "the end of the world" punishment and now they tell the truth. Sometimes I can see them weighing the options in their heads, but they always tell the truth. And every once in a while (not often), when they DO tell the truth..I let it slide and don't punish them at all. I just thank them for their honesty. Good luck and whatever you choose to do, be consistent!!!
Reply:Lies can begin at any age but she has to be made to realize that neither your husband nor you are going to tolerate her lies. Always instill in ALL of your children, that if they come to you, %26amp; tell the truth, they will NOT be punished %26amp; the two of you have to abide by that. If you don't, she/they will grow up not trusting either of you, %26amp; that will be very unfortunate. Once she knows she won't be in trouble even after being truthful, she, hopefully, will be more apt to be honest from now on. Thank her for coming to the two of you %26amp; being honest. My mom always told my siblings %26amp; me that "IF" we lied, no one would ever believe us, nor would they want to be our friend.
Reply:My daughter is 9, she never gets spanked or anything like that, she rarely gets yelled at but yet she lies all the time. I do not know why and I've talked to her and told her that it's not right to lie, but yet like I said she does it all the time. I think it might be an age thing. No matter what I try it doesn't work..so hopefully she gets out of doing that and your daughter does too. I like I said think it's an age thing.
Reply:Those lies aren't severe. Wait unti she starts talking about boyfriends, then yuo can be worried.
Reply:I used to do stuff like that all the time when I was her age. She probably just wants a little freedom b/c she feels like her entire life is being run by you. She wants to set some of her own rules and make her own schedule.
Reply:What next? After she lies again, see to it that she spends some quality time over your lap (or your husband's lap), WITH-OUT the protection of pants and panties. I have 3 daughters, one of which is 8, if she tells a lie, even one as you suggested, she would be spanked. My oldest is 10, she went through this at around your daughters age, you NEED to come down like a ton of bricks, or you will be very sorry. If you don't get control, I can tell you, it doesn't get any easier. Once I reverted my then 8 year old back to spankings, everything just fell back into place, however don't spank if your not going to make it a bad experience (as I described above). I suggest you start doing this every time she lies, i bet you see a difference. Just make sure dad is on the same page.
Reply:I was like this too, about the same age also. I don't know if you are religious, but my punishment was to find 5 Bible verses that talk about why lying is bad, and then to write them down 10 times each. Not only did reading the verses make me think about what I'd done, but I sure didn't want to ever have to do all that writing again! Also, the first time they are caught in a lie that they see hurts someone or causes them to be made fun of or something, they will really learn a lesson. Maybe try to exaggerate the effects her lies have on you and make her feel bad? That sounds like terrible parenting on the surface, but sometimes you just have to do what works, right?
Reply:yes! my son does this all the time. they both need to know that lying is not acceptable, and that by telling the truth they aren't going to get in trouble. we have to investigate a little bit and find out why they are lying. ask her outright, "why did you lie about this? I wasn't going to get upset." Let her know why you are having her do these things and she will understand it better. Unfortunately, at this age, they are testing to see how far they can go. Always be one step ahead. Write out a chart on the refrigerator of what needs to be done and what time. Then, hold her to it. Repetition is key. Punish everytime she doesn't do what she is supposed to or lies about it. I know you feel bad about it (as I do to), but we are meant to be their parents and not their best friends. That comes later...
Reply:oh yeah, well to me it just sounds like she's found out that santa, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny aren't real...you didn't lie to her about them did you?


there's going to be plenty of big stuff to worry about these little white ones are nothing, little kids lie to cover what they will get in trouble for, its a survival instinct.
Reply:yes it's normal because at their age they want to get by with everything but once in a while you need to let them know whose boss... but when they get to the teen years all hell breaks loose
Reply:Shes getting to that age where she will lie to get out of doing the things she doesnt want to do. Sit her down and talk to her and tell her what lies can do. It is normal so dont worry.
Reply:Lies come and go starting rather early in most children. I once read that a four year old whose lies we ignore becomes the craftiest liar by the age of five. My daughter will be eight on the 22nd of November and we have had a few lying patches of late.





I am very strict when it comes to lies as I see them to be a very important battle to fight. I sometimes take away a privalidge she savors until trust has been restored. I find that every lie brings a new consequence as you are dealing with so many different things.





I once pulled over on the side of the road upon discovering that she had lied to me for a third time in a 24 hour period. I asked her who she thinks she hurts the most when she lies. She told me that it was the receiver of the lie that was most hurt. That is when the conversation ended and I took over. I told her that she could interview any one of the family and they would all tell her the same thing. YOU HURT YOURSELF more than any one when you lie. I continued to explain that no lie stands alone and that before you know it you are living a life that you no longer recognize.





She has not been caught in a lie since this lecture but I assure you I am not dumb enough to think it is all over for good. Good luck to you with your daughter.
Reply:Omg!! lol....you are worrying about nothing!! These are silly little things that I would find hilarious. I would be worried though if she was lying about serious stuff at school or something. You punished her for that cr*p? You weirdo.
Reply:I'm glad that someone else is going through this! My daughter is 6 and is doing the exact thing! What works for me is talking to her about her actions and if she continues to lie, I put her on punishment. It's frustrating but I know it's part of parenting... Hang in there, I'm sure we've got one heck of a rollercoaster ride for the next 10 years or so!
Reply:yes its normal at this age.
Reply:Kids lie to see what they can get away with, seriously. All kids at some point think they are smarter than their parents, and test it out. Let her know she has lied and that it hurts your feelings. I wouldn't go the punish route this early. She simply needs to know she can't get away with it. Chances are she's looking for some measure of freedom, maybe buy her a diary for her to write her secrets in. Or bring up that you used write a diary when you were a kid. Don't fret anyway, all kids do it.
Reply:Hi TM, your daughter is seven years old, i realise you may be worried about this or confused but at that young, she'll be going through a stage. Nothing will be "next" but you should wait and see just incase..


It's normal and it'll pass over sometime soon..





xx
Reply:I have two girls 6 and 8... My oldest does the same thing from time to time about the shower too. Sometimes she does it because she doesn't want to miss a t.v show and other times the reason was just because she didn't feel that she needed to take one at that point in time. I can remember myself doing it to my parents at that age too. I did want to miss out on the things that was going on in the house while I has in the shower and there was another reason to but it's been so long that I really don't remember why anymore. The point is you got to sit here down and let her know that lying is wrong and find out why she's lying to you about these little things. But yeah the lying starts around these ages. It's their way of testing the waters. Kids now of days are more advanced they pick up on thing more quickly. Just talk to her without yelling and explain to her that lying is wrong and find out why, it might be something or maybe nothing. but you won't know until you talk to her just you and her, mother to daughter one-on-one.
Reply:well, sounds 2 me, like u've got ur plate full, but don't get offended, but kids her age needs a lil attention, sometimes let her take a tub bath, and when she eats breakfast, eat with her, and that'll give u and her time 2 bond. or let her watch tv when she eats. and sit her down sometimes, and ask her what did she do at school 2day. and as a matter of fact, ask her about her friends. (take notes on the kids she hang with at school). Hope that helped, Good Luck
Reply:Hi TM I'm 15 and my view of it may be different from yours because I'm not in your situation but I think it would be the best thing if you tell her straight up that lies are not acceptable to you.





Tell her that you are honest with her and that she needs to be honest with you and if she isn't she is wrong and disrespecting you. You are right to punsh her for lies. She needs to know that she can expect it.





On the other side I believe it is best to make a point of giving her as much freedom as is proper for her for her age .. maybe some more freedom than other girls in her age group are used to so that she gets the message that being an honest and responsible person earns freedom and trust. You say she is sweet and intelligent so this may be really good for her growing up.





btw I'm not saying that you won't have turbulance with her or tension especially when she hits her teens. I'm just saying that. :)





But the best advice I can think of to offer you is it really doesn't matter if lies are normal for her at her age or older. If it's not right it's not right..simple as that.





Best wishes and I hope this helps :)



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